Client: “It says my password is incorrect, but I’m sure I entered it correctly.”

Me: “Okay, let’s try to log on with my computer. Can I have your password?”

The client hands me a (poorly) handwritten note with eight different passwords, all thirty-two digits long.

Client: “It should be one of these.”

Me: “You know, there’s really no need to make your passwords that long. Eight digits should be enough.”

Client: “That wouldn’t be very safe, now, would it?!”

Me: “How many locks do you have on your front door?”

Client: “One. Why?”

Me: “Why not ten? It’s much safer.”

Client: “That’s stupid. It would take ages to get into my house.”

Me: “I finished the design for the booklet’s front and back cover. Is there anything you want me to change?”

Client: “It needs to be more professional.”

Me: “What do you mean by that? I need some specifics. Colours, shapes or fonts? What am I changing?”

Client: “You’re the professional.”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m booked all afternoon. Are you free before then?”

Client: “Sure, I can be there in the morning.”

Me: “What time?”

Client: “Any time after noon.”

Me: “That’s in the afternoon, sir.”

Client: “Well, whatever you want to call it.”

Me: “Hey, I’m trying to get your logo set up for embroidery, but I am missing some information. The notes say that the emblem should be hunter green and gold, but I need to know what color ‘gold’ you are referring to. We can do a metallic gold thread — which is not microwave-safe — or we can do a gold-colored thread — which looks gold and is microwave-safe, but it is not a metallic thread — or athletic gold thread — which is the golden rod color that sports teams use. Just let us know if you want metallic gold, gold-colored, or athletic gold. Thanks!”

Client: “Gold thread is fine.”

A client needed desktop support; Word crashed, he hadn’t saved his file, and he couldn’t find any auto-recover data.

Me: “It looks like the auto-recover feature was turned off.”

Client: “That doesn’t sound like something I would do. I’m sure it’s turned on.”

Me: “I’m looking at your preferences right here; ‘Save auto-recover info’ is unchecked.”

Client: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do anything like that, so there must be auto-recover files somewhere. Keep looking.”